The quest for people’s default
There lived a couple. Suddenly, the husband started to fear if his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, He approached his friend who is a doctor and he came up with a simple solution. It’s a simple test that the husband himself can perform and it will also give a better idea about her hearing loss.
“Here’s what you do,” said the doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He said to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.” Then in a normal tone, he asked, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” No response.
So, the husband moved closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife, and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Still no response.
Next, he moves into the dining room where he was about 20 feet from his wife and asked, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again, he gets no response.
So, he walked up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again, there is no response.
So, he walked right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” “Ralph, for the fifth time I’ve said, chicken!”
Once I read this story, I had this thought. We spend most of our precious time in finding others default, inadequacy, lack of something and want it to be changed, rather than accepting it as a scarcity.
Most of the time, the problem may not be with the other person as we always think. It could be very much within us. We sometimes tend to look to heal in other’s problems or issues than focusing on us. This realization is hard, and it takes time, believe me.
Before marriage, I was a completely different person. I was hard when it comes to rules and principle, had my way of living and I thought that’s the perfect way to live.
But after marriage the second phase of life, I slowly started realizing defaults and change is not something expected just from one side, it’s from both sides and should happen together to create a healthy life. And this realization is not something forced by someone who may be by nature. I still enjoy it. I have also started feeling light and peaceful because when you start accepting things as it is, there’s nothing left for you to think, worry, or keep whining around.
When I was a kid, I hated people who were fat, plump, and chubby for no reason. But my husband has stout physic, we were in a relationship for two years and then got married. So, focusing on other good qualities of him made me accept him as he is. Focus on positive things around which will help you to develop acceptance.
I would like to conclude by quoting
- Change things to change
- Accept things you can’t change
- Wisdom to know the difference.